The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
