once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
