lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
