____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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