I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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