I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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