onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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