so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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