I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
