he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
