youre lurking in front of me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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