u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
