she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
