He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
