I think i peed on brittanys purse
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
