We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
