yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Two words: nipple clamps
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