just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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