I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
