while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
