don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Those nachos came to me in a dream
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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