I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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