ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
