An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
