the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
