i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
