kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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