Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
