I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
