I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
