I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
