Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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