Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
