i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
