I accidentally had phone sex last night
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
