i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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