were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
