Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
