I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
