he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
