areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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