My liver just broke up with me...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
