I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
