Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
