I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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