I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
