No I am not eating basil off your cock
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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