I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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