i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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