it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
