my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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