I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
