Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
